I thought I would have updated a long time ago, but late pregnancy and then the postpartum period have taken all my words and sent me way down into myself. I’ve had brief bouts of guilt over this inability to write anything that isn’t scrawled in my private journal, but it isn’t a problem, really. I remember trying to force some writing out a few weeks after Mr. B’s birth (a looming dissertation seemed like reasonable motivation!) and it was all crap that never went anywhere anyway. Dramatic changes--good and bad--have always required me to do significant internal recalibrations.
Six weeks to get back to normal after giving birth is bull. Six weeks to go for a nice long walk, sure. Six weeks to have the exact functionality as you had before giving birth? Ha! And wtf is “normal” anyway? I’m pretty sure my body has permanently changed shape in ways that it hadn’t after my older two were born, and that’s just fine. It’s not surprising if maybe the part of me that thinks the things has changed shape a little, too. So I’m going to be patient and slow and quiet so I can listen and watch and feel to learn what the new normal is as everything settles out. It may be awhile.
I wanted to have some profound thoughts to share about Baby C’s baptism the weekend before last, but it’s mostly a deep happiness that he has such a loving community to surround him as he grows. It matters--belonging to God and to each other--though at the moment I still can’t quite articulate how, plus I’m typing one handed while the other arm supports this little one while he lounges on my lap. But so far we’re doing well, we’re taking our time, and we’re surrounded by love.
