Trying Advent

As a kid I didn’t think much of Advent beyond lighting candles to count down to Christmas. Later, I knew other people who “did” Advent, and I enjoyed reading my favorite bloggers (like Sarah Bessey) writing through their Advent experiences, but I was never able to settle myself down to actually try waiting quietly myself, as much as it appealed to me. Besides not being part of a church tradition that recognized Advent, this quiet waiting time also overlapped substantially with Final Research Paper Cramming Season (when I was still doing coursework) as well as Grading Final Projects Season, and we always traveled a lot during December for family things, and so between this and that it never got going. The month before Christmas was always a time of intense busyness and anxiety for me, and the closest I ever got to stillness was the week after finals, right before Christmas, when I would inevitably get knocked out by some virus that had been lying in wait for me to stop moving so it could catch me.

This year I’m settled. We live far enough away from family that although traveling for Christmas isn’t going to be a huge ordeal, we’re too far to make separate trips to all the other holiday parties at the homes of friends and family in Indianapolis over the next few weeks. We’re responsible for shaping our own traditions this year, and while I’m going to miss the always-competitive White Elephant exchange with my mom’s family, I admit I’m also breathing a sigh of relief at not having to make another weekend trip this month.

I have time, space, and quiet for the first time in years to stop and listen and look. I’m lingering in the darkness instead of rushing out to pregame the holidays. This doesn’t mean I haven’t put up my tree, or that I’m not listening to any Christmas music yet, or anything like that (I admit I’m not that hardcore), but I’m taking it slowly. I’m counting down the days on a homemade calendar, trying to do one thing with the kids every day, slowly, a bit at a time, with an emphasis on making things with our hands and giving things away (also hot chocolate and watching movies, because of course). We’re reading parts of the Bible on some mornings, and other days exploring other wonderful stories and traditions, like putting out shoes for St. Nicholas and baking lussekatter on St. Lucia’s Day (no picture of the lussekatter because I am clearly not a food blogger, but they were pretty good for a first try and a good excuse to finally bite the bullet and buy some saffron). 

I hope my kids are getting a broader sense of the Christian narrative and tradition than just “Nativity scene + Tree piled with gifts = Christmas.” I love both those things, but the narrative is so much richer, and I hope that our family can start to see the rich tapestry of stories, traditions, and beliefs that has been woven around the simple yet radical idea of God With Us.

It’s not the super spiritual and disciplined candlit season that I’ve sometimes fantasized about, but I’m ok with that. I’m walking through this time deliberately, at my own pace, instead of scrambling while it rushes past me, and keeping my eyes open as I do.

Much of what I see in the news is part of the deep darkness of waiting—mass shootings, terrorist attacks, burned mosques, hateful rhetoric coming from people who worship a God who is love. But the words we speak and sing in church, the children’s Christmas pageant, the food pantry down the hall from where I teach 3^rd and 4^th grade Sunday School, pictures from all the church toy drives I’ve seen all over Facebook, the stories I read about the loving welcomes that refugees have been getting in both Canada and the United States (even in spite of the efforts of certain state governors)—these are the promise of coming light. I’ve never been so aware of that tension before, between the now and not-yet. 

On the first day of Advent, after church, Queen Mab and I went to go see the Nutcracker, and on the drive home, as we were talking about the lights and decorations and church, I quizzed her if she knew what season it was (we had talked about it in Sunday School that morning and I was curious about how much she had been listening).

“Winter?”

“Well yes, but also--”

“Advent?”

“Yes! And what’s Advent about?”

“Hope!”

She's listening and watching with me.